


So where were the spiders

by Wolfsmilch



Category: MarsCorp (Podcast)
Genre: Alien Sex, And A Bit Of Alien Anatomy, Biologically Correct Spider Anatomy, Crack, Evil Plans, Giant Spiders, Humor, Light Bondage, Lots of Ickiness, Mild S&M, Other, Post-Episode 6, Pre-Canon, Sex with Sentient Animals, Spider Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-17
Updated: 2017-07-19
Packaged: 2018-11-15 04:30:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,710
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11223369
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wolfsmilch/pseuds/Wolfsmilch
Summary: What happened on the other side of that portal?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [eruthiel](https://archiveofourown.org/users/eruthiel/gifts).



 

“Did you get her?” Colin burst through the front door, just as Mr Velvet crawled up the hill to the house.

The spider looked away from him, his usual moaning voice low and embarrassed. “No, there were some humans that took her. Four of them. In harnesses, tied to a rope.

“Damn it. Did you recognise them, hear any names? What did they look like?”

“No, no names. Um, you know that humans all kinda look the same to me.” He shifted on his many legs, chewing nervously on his chelicerae.

“Try please. I know you can do it, Patrick.”

“Okay, um, so they all looked about the same age as Hob. The first one was tall and really buff, he looked very scared and freaked out when he saw Hob, another one was fat, and he had a moustache and flowers on his shirt. On the base he always follows her around, I think that was her assistant. The third was tall, very thin with a beard and a white coat, like the one you have. And the last one was short, had a shiny jacket and really nice hair. Oh, yeah, and they talked to someone called Tom!”

“Mhhh... nice hair you say?” Colin smirked.

“Not as nice as yours of course,” he purred, winking with four of his eyes. He had picked up a lot of behaviours for human interactions from Colin, although he was still learning.

“Ugh, Tom could be that horrible stuck-up Dalling. He worked in Tech, and was always so annoying, couldn’t have one conversation without mentioning the bloody manual.” He paused. “But the one in the lab coat? Brown hair, blue eyes, always looks lost?”

“Mhm, yes, although he did look more amazed, not scared like the others, I’d say.”

“Interesting.” He crossed his arms and sat down on the steps to the porch, a long silence settling over them.

“What is it, master?”

“Patrick, I think we need to find a way to switch that portal back on from this side.”

The spider laughed, one of his hind legs pulling on a string of white silk that led Colin’s eyes to where the portal had been and then vanished mid-air, a thin circle of blue light surrounding the edge.

“No need, master. It’s not completely closed.”

Crying out, Colin jumped to his feet. “Ha-ha, well done! I knew you had some good ideas in you, buddy. I think you just saved us years of work!” He moved closer and, careful to avoid the sharp edges, he put his hand on one of his pedipalps.

Patrick had long ago started trusting him enough to let him touch them. He knew Colin thought of them more as arms in contrast to his longer legs, but these appendages housed important sense organs, and were very sensitive to touch.

“Tie it to the roof and come in, I think a reward is in order.”

Colin led his hand glide softly along the appendage, teasingly stopping before the copulatory bulb, confirming the nature of the intended reward.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to hell.
> 
> Why yes, I did refresh my knowledge of spider anatomy for this. Enough that this will maybe go on? I don't know yet.


	2. Heat Wave

 

Colin was preparing for another trip, when he noticed that Patrick’s behaviour had become more and more unusual recently. Well, perhaps not more unusual than meeting a giant spider and it accompanying you on your travels through the multiverse, but still noticeable. They had met about six months ago, when one of Colin’s jumps through space had taken him directly to Patrick’s home.  

And ever since then, they had travelled together. Not that there was real time in the world between worlds that Colin had picked as his new base of operations, but it was easier for him to continue living on Mars time.  

His trip was supposed to go through a new portal, close to the one that led to Patrick’s home planet, and he suspected that this had something to do with his companion’s weird behaviour. The day before they were supposed to leave, Colin confronted him.

“What’s going on with you?”

The spider seemed defensive. “What? Nothing. I have no idea what you mean.”

“Really? For like two weeks now, you’ve been acting totally weird. On edge, nervous, and you take any chance you can get to aimlessly run around outside.”

“Oh, so you noticed that. Well, that’s because… it’s kinda embarrassing.”

Colin rolled his eyes, gesturing at him to keep talking.

“It’s uhm, it’s mating season. Or it would be if I was back home at least.”

Realisation dawned on him. “Oh, so you’re not homesick, you’re … looking for a mate? Outside?”

“Not really, I mean I know there’s no one else here except us, but I still feel like I have to move around a lot. It’s just how it is.” The claws on his feet started lightly scratching at the floor.

“You know we can’t go back there.”

“I know,” Patrick mumbled.

“How long… does it last?” Colin asked.

“A few more weeks at least, although it will probably get a bit stronger before it ends.”

Colin paused to think, before he clapped his hands. “Explain your species’ mating process to me.”

The sudden noise and the question startled him. “What? Why?”  

“Well, my knowledge extends to small Earth spiders and I need to know how you’re different from them.”

Patrick sighed. “Do I have to? We don’t really talk or think too much about it. We just know how to do it and then we do it.”

“Okay, then I’ll tell you what I know about spiders, and then you tell me if there’s any differences. So, I know where a spider’s genitals are, and that unlike humans you don’t actually let them touch.”

“Uh, yes. Humans put theirs against each other? Ew.”

“Hey, we were talking about you. Okay, new idea. If I were another spider, what would you do?”

Patrick burst into laughter. “Really?”

“Come on, humour me,” Colin teased, “Don’t you think I would make a handsome spider?”

His laughter quickly turned into a bashful giggle. “Okay, so first I would spin a net and then I … release some …”

“Sperm?” Colin supplied helpfully.

“Eh yeah, and then I suck it back up in here and keep it there until I find a possible mate, I mean you, and then I would check if you were interested by dancing and signalling to show my intentions. And if you responded well to that then I would ... you know... insert it and then it’s done.”

Colin had observed his whole flustered speech with great amusement. “You do it with one of your ...” He motioned to his palps, a pair of long, hairy limbs about as thick as his upper arm. Patrick nodded, and a wave of unpleasant doubt swept over him. Colin had experimented a lot and was ready to try almost anything, but he wasn’t crazy.

He swallowed hard. “I’ll be honest with you, I doubt that way will work out for us.”

“Wait. For... us?”

“Yeah, I could help you with your … needs, but I mean, not if you’re not interested,” Colin whispered, looking up at him shyly.

Patrick took a step backward, honestly confused by the offer. He had to admit that he had thought about it before, after all, no one joins a stranger’s quest to travel through dimensions without the right incentives, but he was well aware that liking this human was what forced him to leave home in the first place.

He had no idea that Colin felt the same way about him though, and was suddenly offering his affections so freely. Patrick stopped himself, he probably wouldn’t have offered if he hadn’t told him about his currently overexcited state. He had been so stupid, he could bite himself.

“Sigh, should I… should I just have asked earlier?”

Colin gave him a nodding smile. “I told you, if you want anything I will find a way. Tell you what buddy, we’ll cancel the next trip, I do some research and come up with a mutually agreeably solution to this little problem. Also I need a blood sample.”  

“What for?”

“To test for things that might negatively affect each of us. I learned that the hard way, just after I started traveling, okay. The humans were I lived before were all healthy, but I had three horrible weeks after I met a -,” he paused, “doesn’t matter. This is as much for you as it is for me. I might be really toxic to you, who knows.”

“Okay, I understand that. But how will we find a compromise between our two species’ habits?”

Colin grinned and, failing to put his hand on Patrick’s shoulder he settled on the next best thing, linking his arm with one of his pole-like legs.

“With science!”

 


	3. Trial and Error

After dinner, a few days after their initial conversation, Colin entered what he now considered Patrick’s bedroom. It was one of the two big rooms on the ground floor that had proven the most accessible for a spider his size, and it wasn’t as if Colin really needed it.

He had in the mean time examined their blood in the small laboratory he had build for himself over the last few years, and found nothing he needed to worry about. So experimenting with the physical technique was good to go.

“I did some research and I have some questions. The first is, and please don’t take this the wrong way, but why do you do it? If I understand correctly, you don’t really feel pleasure?”

“I don’t know. There’s this pressure that builds up, like anticipation. This urge that I just have to find someone and do it. And it gets stronger and stronger and it’s so frustrating, and I know it will only go away if I fulfil it.”

“Mhm, that does sound more or less like lust. And what part of it is necessary for you to fulfil it? Just the first part or the whole process?”

“Just the first part? Is that how humans do it?”

Colin grinned. “Well, first of all, humans do both at the same time, so we only have one part. And secondly, yeah kinda, I mean especially if we only do it for fun and not to try to have babies.”

“You do it... for fun?”

“You... don’t?”

This conversation continued for another hour or so, and finally ended in the decision to just try it out and see what felt natural, or as natural as this could feel to both of them. Patrick had agreed to try it the wrong way round, or the human way, as Colin preferred to call it.

And that’s what they were doing. Patrick had insisted on his ritual of dancing and stomping around him, leaving a slightly bewildered Colin to sit in the middle of the room, a friendly, but uncertain smile on his face. He watched as the spider started slowly coming towards him, his stomping and swaying from left to right making him tap his foot to Patrick’s rhythm.

When he finally stood in front of him, an awkward silence settled over them. Unsure how to respond positively to the dance, he paused. “Uhm, yes?”

Patrick giggled, enjoying Colin’s confusion. “Okay, so what would a human do now?”

That was more like him. He explained how generally humans liked to touch each other, and after a brief internal debate decided to omit kissing, at least for the time being.

“Okay, let me show you.”

Colin reached out and put his hand on Patrick’s back, running his fingers through the hair, he felt him vibrating softly, not just a jolt but an intense, ongoing shiver that travelled over his body. He rubbed his hands over his cone shaped spinnerets, the two protruding silk organs. He stroked and squeezed them until a thin trail of liquid started oozing out of the opening between. The spider’s vibrations increased when Colin gently pushed a finger inside and was surprised by the softness that lay behind the rigid skin.

“How does that feel?”

“Uhm, good I think. Keep going.”

He seemed to relax, his body swaying slightly back and forth, his low humming echoing through the room.

And just as Colin made up his mind to try something else next, the spider suddenly froze. “Oh, no!”

“What?”

“I haven’t made a web!”

That was not what Colin had expected. “So?”

“I have to ma-ahh.”Patrick let out a long, pleased sigh, a wave of relief sweeping over him, and after one or two powerful pulses, his body relaxed again.

He turned around to face Colin, but were he had stood was now merely a tall humanoid shape, rooted to the spot, and covered almost head to toe in white goo.

Colin didn’t react to his name being whispered, but eventually lowered his hands that had protected his face, a face that fought hard to look blank despite a trail of liquid running down his forehead.

Patrick swallowed hard. “Oh, oops.” 

Colin shook his hands out and wet slaps of the sticky, fibrous fluid dropped heavily onto the floor.

“Let me guess... I’m not just covered in silk, am I?”

“Now it all goes to waste,” Patrick murmured, his body slumping forward.  

Colin sighed. “I have bad news, buddy. I don’t think I could make little spiders anyway. If you’ll excuse me now, I’ll be upstairs taking a shower.”

The human marched off, the sound of his squelching steps echoing through the house.

 

* * *

 

 

A few days later, after Colin had managed to get the last of the silk out of his hair, they tried it again.

And again, Colin started slow, rubbing his back until the liquid started to ooze out of him and allowed him to push a finger inside.

“Relax, buddy. Can you open up a bit for me?”

He pushed against the opening and found it obediently widening, letting him rub the rim whose sides were now no longer touching.

“That’s as much open as I can.”

“Oh believe me, that’s more than enough.”

Colin stared at the opening, when a wicked thought crossed his mind. If it was big enough to fit the tip of a spider’s palp, it must be big enough for his hand. The urge overwhelmed him, and he found his body was already yielding to his curiosity.

As he had expected, his right hand slipped easily inside, and was immediately greeted by surprised moans from two open mouths. The view of his wrist disappearing into the huge body made Colin’s breath hitch and he had to admit that it did stir something inside him.

“Talk to me.”

As Colin started slowly pushing further inside, looking for the source of the leaking fluid, he noticed that the spider’s body was colder and more wet than he had expected, the lower body temperature reminding him of his companion’s alienness even when he closed his eyes.

The spider quickly dissolved into a string of ramblings and moaning, helping Colin focus again. “Ooh, I’ve never… This is so... You’re actually inside me...”

“Yeah, check it out, it’s like I’m a spider!”

As Colin pushed in further, he felt the walls around his hand steadily narrowing, and when his hand started pushing against something at the apparent end of the passage, Patrick answered with a loud groan. A shiver went through his body, he tensed and clenched around Colin’s arm that was now buried almost to the elbow. Afraid he might have hurt him, Colin tried to pull back, but his hand was now trapped.

“Fuck, sorry, are you okay?”

Patrick didn’t react, completely lost in these new feelings, and when the hand wriggled inside him again, his body suddenly jumped to stand up, forgetting that Colin was much smaller than him.

The human was lifted into the air, his weight helping his arm slip out partly, only to stop and clamp around the thinnest part of the wrist. With his free hand he grabbed at the fur on Patrick’s back, his feet dangling about a metre over the ground.

“Patrick!” Colin hissed, “Calm down and relax please, I can’t move my hand!”

The spider merely groaned, but Colin felt the pressure around his wrist lessen, and as his hand slipped free, the strand of hair that now carried his whole weight came loose, and Colin dropped gracelessly to the floor. He winced as he rolled to the side to rub the pain out of his tailbone.

After about half a minute the pain was bearable, and as he looked up he noticed that Patrick hadn’t moved since his fall. The spider stood over him, still twitching, and slowly curled his back, aiming his abdomen towards the ground. Colin scrambled to his feet and hurried to crawl out from under him, eager to avoid repeating the previous incident.

“Patrick? Did I hit the off switch?” He laughed nervously.  

No answer. Colin started to worry, so he got up and, now rubbing at his reddening wrist, walked around him to see his face.

Before he could reach him, Patrick convulsed, and with a loud groan he sprang back into life, moaning as his body heaved and emptied itself onto the already wet floor.

“Fucking hell, I thought...” he trailed off, slowly shaking his head. “Should have totally brought a bucket though.”

The spider tumbled a bit, standing on shivering legs, but quickly found his voice again. “That... was so... intense... Incredible...”

Colin smiled. “Glad to see it was worth it. And I think we might have answered the question if spiders can have orgasms.”

“Is that what that was?”

“Can’t say for sure. I guess you have to keep being my test subject.”

The spider opened his chelicerae, letting his fangs untuck in an intimidating approximation of a smile. “Yeah, I think I will.”

 

* * *

 

 

“What’s that?”

“This my friend,” Colin announced, taking down the rope he had been carrying over his shoulder and held it out to him, “this is protection. Too stop you from any more spontaneous position changes.”

Colin tied the rope to a hook in the floor, that Patrick was sure hadn’t been there yesterday, and slung it over his back.

“You trust me don’t you?”

The spider didn’t hesitate. “Yes, master.”

“Then get on your kne- uhm, can you... lie on the floor?”

Patrick started widening his stance, gradually lowering his body until his abdomen was resting against the floorboards. Colin then walked around him and tied the rope to a second hook.

“Too tight?”

“No, it’s fine.”

Colin smiled. “Good.” He stopped in front of Patrick, and started taking off his clothes; he had decided that if he would suffer to satisfy Patrick, he would at least make this a mutual thing and get something out of it. The spider observed his movements with the utmost attention, as more and more skin was revealed.

Finally naked, Colin reached out to him. “Not so shy, don’t you wanna touch me?”

Patrick let out an enthusiastic squeak and started moving his palp over the human body, feeling and smelling an array of new sensations, that he would later learn to identify as soap and sweat, the latter of which consisted of both saltiness and an intoxicating smell that he couldn’t get enough of.

He moved his palps along his side, down along the outside of his leg and up on the inside.

The touch of the soft hair on his thigh made Colin giggle, but his expression changed into pleasure when the limb reached his hips. With a relaxed sigh he took it into his hand and demonstrated how to move it gently between his legs, allowing them to rub together.

The spider stared fascinated at the growing length and started rubbing and poking at it, pushing it to one side or down, only for it to spring back into place.

“What is that?” He asked, audible delight in his voice.

Colin laughed at Patrick’s playful exploration, thrilled that his inexperience didn’t make him shy, but instead had given him a fascination for the human body. 

“Well, this organ,” he explained, pointing to the part in question, “is where the sperm is made, and with this it’s transported into the partner. You’ll notice how in mammals, they’re right next to each other.”

“Yeah, that does make sense,” Patrick murmured, pondering the new information. “Is that what we’ll do today?”

“Exactly. Last time I played a spider, this time you will be a human. You ready, buddy?”

The spider nodded. “Always.”

Colin walked around him, stopping and kneeling down, the still vibrating abdomen now in a perfect height for him, one that promised no more falls.

“Open just a bit, okay? Not that much. Okay perfect, stay like that.”

He didn’t bother to prepare himself, instead pushing into the slick opening between the hard skin, focusing on the unfamiliar feeling of the soft coolness.

Unable to hold onto something else, he grabbed a tuft of the coarse hair on his back, pulling roughly with his thrust, resulting in a groan and the audible crack of Patrick’s fangs.

“Sorry.” Colin eased his grip.

“No, uhm, don’t let ... that felt good.”

The human smirked. “Oh?”

Colin dug both hands into his thick fur, using it as leverage for harder thrusts.

“You like that?”

Patrick hissed, and answered by carefully tightening around him, the new intensity quickly building up pleasure, and after only a few minutes, Colin found himself unable to resist any longer.

“Ah, fuck!” His hips stopped moving and he pressed himself as close to Patrick as he could, letting his orgasm wash over him. Afterwards, Colin slumped against the big body, draping himself over his abdomen and stayed like that until his muscles stopped twitching. As he pulled out, Patrick spread himself open further, and he heard a surge of liquid gush out over his thighs.

“Can you... can you do what you did last time again? With your hand?”

Colin laughed between his still panting breaths. “Wow, looks like someone really had an awakening. But seriously now, there’s still more?” He gestured at the puddle that was spreading around him, which remained unseen to the spider that still couldn’t move. “Sure. But you’ll be a good boy and stay put? Well, it’s not like you have much of a choice, really.”

 

 


End file.
